I get into the car on the way back and want to rest my head on your shoulder and you look at me and smile and offer it so I can lean in and your head falls on mine and I think now maybe I am mad because you are the greatest friend. I close my eyes whilst the car, with all this heat spinning out of it, too much heat, plays music. Its every dark beat fills the hidden but very much there air with energy. And I can see you all are here still, like seeing silhouettes. I sit at the meal and the waiter and we take photographs and he pours our drinks and we can’t make out every word but we are laughing, I can see you smile there and it is good. Every word that used to be a stutter comes out braver now, you all knew me all along. I tell the joke with charisma and when they all laugh it stretches something. We watch sparklers and i hear how he loves you, and what she thinks, and everything about her and who she is and us pulsate in flickers. Everything takes me and i get home and it’s ‘Natalie, come look at the stars tonight’ and we look for ages and you tell me how they are far away and close, how they are past and present, how we see them, so they are. You tell me everyone sees. We move but they stay. I whisper that they are always there. I thought at night maybe everyone’s drunk and I have never been drunk before but I stand dizzy with stars, and taking everything I love with me, play making shapes

She soaked visions

She said with sugarcane strawberry lips, ‘When I am with you my body is alight. It’s like I’m fire. I’m mad for you.’ From then on I saw simply the world lit with moon-beams, swerving across the planet like flashlights, engorging Earth with cellular stars that passed from her to me. 

I remember you, 
Atomic eyes 
You split your second side

I wanted to travel, with an unfragmented eyes-shut desire, I thought that the unexplorable in me could be found in the outer world, that somehow silently I could move through space and tie myself timelessly to all I Loved and Found. A knot tied itself between and within all I ran through. I would journey along The Way with my torn sweat ridden tickets that swapped themselves over to the untold promise, the swaying paths. Everyone, everyone I saw somewhere had this desire, this very same feeling, I was sure of that. Even non-movers were travellers, turning themselves over under dusty skies, travelling to some space, the same space, where we all opened our suitcases, binocular eyed, to find it.

Maya

Every time we touched I felt the sun shudder and shatter into a million shards like travelling aircrafts plummeting straight for us, hitting bodies, falling alight. I said everything in darkness; your body, a solitary sun, sat solid. You were like lanterns flickering with laughter at how I called your back the sea. 

 Silent we go, and I want to close.

 Everything, everything spins.

I remember noticing you had a gun shaped bruise on your leg, and I stroked the barrel whilst your mouth set me hot, your out-takes of cartoon carbon floating in bubbles to the left. Always always our arms were like rubbing sticks, and we built fire. 

I attached myself to your fleeting works that sung my bones to glow worms. Each one coming and going, coming and going, in and out of bloodflow, and I loved how you cut through. I told the girl sometimes you see them everywhere and it’s good. I couldn’t contain you stretched like the fifty million horizons in front of me, a whispered secret promise, glinting gold. Tried to spread myself around you furiously, hold alone but everything spills to overflow.

Once you looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you.”

I flexed light around my palm, sealed my lips. ———-

 

 Reblog

I can't get myself out of the words. 

2 Corinthians 12:4

You were warmth. Just giving it time. While I wrapped 
around, wanting to revel,
with every bee bitten atom to the core.

The words you wrote in withdrawn hidden air 
clung
Didn’t you see?

(I am stung ripped f l e s h)

Lightening bolts hit a halved hemisphere, 
waves of blood, bone, 
painting my skeleton into night

I
Elude
And feel, 
patterns of star drops tingling, 
One by one down my skin
Hot Breath 
drawing in anatomy, our alphabet.

I can barely breath out the beginning, a … b 
my lips quivering (because I want to make you) 
Like a thin thread slowly straying through hands to the end of a world.

In my head only
I Infinitely split open , words surging and comforting, confusing and dazing. 
You undress me, 
bit by bit, 
Shoulder to shoulder, 
Alighting in the void, 
Hidden heavens amidst.

Coogee Beach by Powerhouse Museum Collection on Flickr.

The boy had just been knocked down, by something larger than sight, larger than shadow. You can find it in particles, in the water raging amongst swimming legs. He took five steps along and then, spotting the onlookers, five more. His cap would help keep the safety shade. Reaching into his pocket for the note, every word read slow, each letter made a tidal wave. The half moon stood sullen in his eye sinking into bright, the black of his outfit drew hotter from the sun. It was summer and waves of words seemingly crashed in the light. Perhaps others had done what he was to do too. He was nearly there, the end of the beach. In the quiet and secluded spot below a branch he undressed, laying back, whooshing sand burying him. Yes, now they wouldn’t see. One more time he would read the words, one more time, then the note he threw to the sky and sea. His ears wide open as surely the words radiated and screamed.

I fell in love at the bookstore

I have to tell you, I fell in love at the bookstore, 

The stranger swept past,

Shoulders lifting, 

pulling down my word.

It is true I have to, tell you, 

I saw with my own soul,

The whole world sneak in and snap, closed

his fingers smearing our stars, our words

He read me silent,

eyes tore through blurbs,

and i brushed my lips against his

fresh new pages, felt them burn

under the very words you sit, you are written well,

I fell in love at the bookstore but I did not, could not tell

for I have given you my word. 

I told you it was right  when we lay there tangled in sheets woven from lace. My hands shivered a bit when you didn't speak, your lips soft , cocaine slipping through my fingertips.  . I told you again.  I think this is right, how can I not, when your body lays still but silent underneath mine. When your chest heaves, when we move but stay joined all the time. I'd been scared to tell you but my lips moved fast spilling out these jagged stars. Your beauty did not move so I kept speaking. 

You are here I said. 

Stillness.

You mean so much. 

I look and I see only you. 

The world surrounds me with only you. 

Still. 

I think I might be going mad. 

A slight movement from your right toe. 

You are beautiful. 

A slight movement, curve from your right lip.

You are out of it. dosed. staring.  

I love you. 

Everything freezes, your heart stops., mine pulls, we pause, the birds flutter extended in space. I think it might be strange, but it is this silence, amongst the fireworks, in the midst of a shy sleeping dream, it is here, here, here, this place that is expotable to me.

She always saw sat in him an icicle. She knew it was there, something raw and sharp, sitting linear from the top of his ribs, following through to  the curve of his spine. It sat almost silently and she did not know if anyone else saw it, but to her it was clear, as clear as it was transparent. It was in the way he stuttered and grasped for the flashlight, the way he turned when eyes were downcast; now and then it became so strong that it snuck into the corners of his words, holding and reaching to cling on to each singluar letter that he pronounced, sometimes spilling itself from him in pain, his arm jutting out to grasp. 

He held himself together amidst. When girls spoke it beat harder and rose, turning pale under the moon, the lining of the stars. The girl admired it so and termed him ‘the boy with frost-bite’. He was the middle way between two parallel lines that would not touch. He lay in the roadway, racing cars and you could of seen, like she did, the way they pumped through him, each muddling and aiming to get direction, his whole body one trying to reach for control, for the singular straight and narrow. He was a quiet storm but shaken none the less. And she knew he could love, how she could see it, she repeated it to herself that she was the witness of a hurricane falling to a rainbow. She pictured it, eyes opium struck orchids,  and in that glimmer their lines ran perpendicular to one another, together. 

Containing

At times we stop, like silent wolves,

Racing left hemispheres into right,

heart beats sitting fragile cowering cowering,

Between what is said,

what we could. 

I look to the right, 

Telling myself to just

open and form, 

Lace what is

On edge, my solar explosions, 

To spirits. 

I am nothing in darkness, 

armed, flat, solid, aimless

 birthing myself to silence 

Of drum bursting shadows

Reaching to crystals

Holding tightly, closing palm, the core. 

Dive

Breathing, we meet, there in the middle,

Looking upon the width of it

It is blue, deep dusk  

It's wide mouth hissing intangible dares. 

Turning toward and from us,

Voices tell us to cross and cross our 

Legs 

To think

It is perhaps clearer to see 

if you would move an inch 

The roll of film turns, continuous, 

All the while capturing us 

we do not move, still pieces, 

bodies like sand statues

Carved At the end

As at the beginning. 

Pale placid sky's

skip open to me

While we stare

Like Scissors revealing 

A horizon in the form of

 a future child, a girl, I see

Blonde and dainty, 

Skipping toward 

From the purple sea. 

And you 

You are always before 

What I am behind

I find My body twists

Into a ball 

I aim to lean 

Like a snake 

I could strangle you, 

hold you,

 You simply sternly gaze forward 

And withdrawn, acidly I do to

And I see it 

Your finger points to 

echoes of north... 

The summer.

I Dive. 

I did not dance,

That day at half-light,

My mind swayed instead.

My father’s voice spoke,

Tongue twisting trepidation,

It awoke.

Impatient fingers incessantly

Reached to the end,

Returning us to terrific Ten o’clock air.

 

We were eyes open wide, dangerous,

Burrowing trenches behind light, before morning air

I did not dance; the very edge of the world, the outer ring

Shivered

And a skyline, sky-lark, war siren, started to sing.

At first light,

The sun blushes as she does,

Slyly exerting itself from the corner,

Staggering with hazy dreams.

The girl pulls the curtains apart

And her arms stretch out to reach:

see the skyline’s sweep.

Eyes like dead deserts in the night,

are marbles by morning,

She sits silently, almost asleep, her hands,

wrapped around her skin:    

warm, indulgent.

Plight

He had drawn closer
To what was a triangle rearing from the ground,
Enveloped in cinders, roaring, cackling ,
A silently sinister mound.

No one knew when resting that,
One steer tentatively forward,
And the confident charity of a man,
Headed him to deathly fate.

Whispers lit like candle flames themselves
When fear stood eyelashes on edge , 
Elicited from a burning rage-filled spark ,
Dark images of burning villages flickered, etching their mark.

It was suggested he retreat, 
My uncle and sleep silently ,
Deep like his comforted friend.
Breathing in they breathed,
Toxicity in, and out, again.

That the mighty sea itself would and did warily retire, 
Was perhaps a warning ,
Not to walk to shallow shores,
Where death comes with dawning . 

They lay frozen and still , 
Shy of listening to the Earth’s 
pulling itself from ripping claw’s grasp, 
Giving its thunderous crackling roar. 

Fortune favoured the brave , 
And Stars were brighter against the dark sky, 
Mount Vesuvius saw my uncle
Reach, No turning back.

He woken with brazen eyes, 
And with,
a sip of water ,
The smell of sulphur, 
burning in throat. 

The volcano exploded,
the heat of Elder caring, 
Inflamed the great daring
white bone skeleton 
At a time where day seemed like night, 
Into a burning ball of light.

'If you need me I will come.'

I remember how,
When air was jagged and bowing, 
the Billowing tall tree 
Sat silent, Taciturn, 
And from inside a smile reached 
Out.

I remember how there was a hot
Cauldron
That felt like it ran inside
Me. All the time I was frightened of everything, 
But your long intake of breath and frozen lips shaped wine
Said not this time.

I had a ring on my hand,
And you offered to get the door
But sat, 
As if stilled by nothing you could stop to move,
As if we would move no more.

I watched movies with only this in my mind,
Wanting to be yours as the girl kissed him, 
To know that I am not yet read. 
I sat intrigued as the girl in the movie said 
‘Fear not, if you need me, I will come.’

Once beside me a guy held my hand,
And I remembered again,
how I thought you
The mark left on my fingertips,
The circle on my wrist.

A guy held my hand that night, 
I could not get you out of my head.

Lovesick

It still throbs. 
My heart.
And boys from everywhere come
And they smile
And I see
Like you,
Them slowly give it all.

I dreamt I was buying my favourite record and crying
As if some how
My arms themselves longed to hold something other than, 
Musical beats
That I was dying.

I saw the world around me
Build and build 
And bloom into flowers
That spiralled headily.

This inside me
Wasn’t it beautiful
Though sad and missing
Growing and longing, 
How you make me strong. 
How I now know my value.

And inside my head, words retained, not to lose hope, 
For someday an end,
And something to note
Between the singers lines.

One note that turns and twists inside.